Why do you put me on a pedestal?
I'm so up high that i cant see the ground below
I always said that i would make mistakes
I'm only human
I'll fall as hard as i try
so don't be blinded
see me as i really am
I have flaws and sometimes I can't even stand
so pull me from that pedestal
I don't belong there...

Do you ever wonder if someone who was once in your life ever thinks of you anymore after so many things have changed?

Yes - I am actually over him.

After secretly liking him while we were 'friends' and the strange ambiguous friendship thing we had going on, I'm tired of wondering. Now I'm not too sure what it was exactly that I liked about him. How could I have possibly liked him for so long?

I asked myself that question that day as I sat opposite him on the train. For some reason it was like I was stepping back and seeing the whole picture for the first time. It was a weird moment. As I was mentally analyzing over things, it occurred to me while I looked at him that there were a lot of things I didn't like about him. I think all this time, I had been somewhat blinded or ignorant towards his negatives, I only seemed to focus on and chose to only see what I did like. So maybe, I only partially liked him. The point is, that it was just never going to happen. It's just one of those things in life I've only started to understand and have recently accepted.

Currently, I am trying to find ways of bashing my head against a keyboard, its purpose being to force me out of indecisiveness. I have a problem with that. Sometimes I'll find I am so interested and motivated to do something, but I lose it just as quickly. It's annoying, and I often wonder why that is – why I can never retain interest in something for very long.

ARGH.

Never let any chocolate stuff near me. They are bound to disappear very quickly.
I have a problem - lack of self control. Now I'm suffering the consequences of it.

Maybe we're friends
Maybe we're more
Maybe it’s just my imagination
But I see you stare just a little too long
And it makes me start to wonder...

Next to you - Jordan Sparks

I HATE IT.
I hate it when I'm dragged into the middle of things - into a situation that involves my morals and someone who is important to me. It's just doesn't seem fair, how I am put into a position where I have to decide where my loyalties lie. It's either the one or the other. What do you do when you find out something that you immediately regretted knowing. Where the decision rests upon you to decide what to do with what you know. It has the potential to destroy that person's reputation and probably make me out to be a traitor. However, the main reason to expose that person, is because it is entirely for their own good and taking their best interests to heart. So the dilemma is: do I tell the truth, getting him the help he needs and upholding my morals but risk losing the relationship we had or do I just ignore it, carrying on with how we always do, but letting it slowly eat away at my conscience?

Initial feelings upon finding out were of shock and then disappointment. It really upsets me how that person could allow something like this to happen and placing me in a difficult position. Not just me, but also how others had to get unwillingly involved and worry about what to do. It just seems too selfish. That person doesn't seem to understand that because of his actions, it will affect a lot of other people as well.

Actually, deep down I know what I have to do but, somehow there is still hesitation to act. It's because I know that once the truth is out, that there will be many changes. And this is not something that I have control over. I can't control or predict how that person will react. I can't control what changes will ensue... I really hope that for the sake of all the people that are involved, that it will end happily.

New banner! Come to think of it, I haven't created anything using Photoshop in ages. Mostly become accustomed to using Illustrator instead.
Note to self: Must brush up on PS skills.

I start uni again on Monday, which I'm not looking forward to at all. Once it starts, the stress and work doesn't stop until the end of the year, not even the one week holidays between semesters is enough for me to recover. On one hand, one good thing about it is that I'm doing my final year - so no more school after that. However, on the other hand, I'm sort of sad that it'll be over; actually to be more exact, the word should be frightened. I actually do like the idea of going to school, despite my habit of complaining about it. I guess, it's become a safety net against going out into and dealing with the real world. I don't like the feeling of heading into the unknown unprepared. But that's life.

It is now the end of the day... and I still haven't gotten what I wanted done. Or even made an attempt to start it yet. What is wrong with me. I need a cure from my current state of laziness and lack of motivation.